你真的開心嗎？(上)

Anonymous
I honestly don’t know. Sometimes I’m so happy that nothing can bring me down. Then again, there are times where I really just wanna cry and die. Quite often, to be honest, do I feel that way.
It’s kind of weird because I think I’m just telling myself that I’m happy because I want to be. Even on the days where I tell myself I’m happy, I still feel this emptiness in my chest or just in general. Even when I’m at lunch with my friends, I don’t even wanna talk to them, I just wanna cry or zone out Why am I swimming in such an immense amount of blueness? I feel like I’m drowning. It’s almost like time is passing by all around me but I’m still here, in the same place. And there’s no way out, not that I even wanna get out. I wanna keep falling, but I keep pushing up because what else can I do? It feels sort of suffocating and inescapable like actual drowning. I hate it but I’m stuck, or at least that’s how it feels. The only thing that keeps me going is listening to music to be honest.
Perhaps I just don’t want to admit that I struggle too, but I don’t know. I feel as if I’m lacking so many things in my life but at the same time, I live in such a nice neighborhood and I am able to buy or be gifted almost everything I want.
I’m also only a freshman in high school, and haven’t been alive long enough to truly experience hardships as the adults around me say. I shouldn’t be unhappy, right? But the thing is, I’m not where I want to be appearance nor intelligence wise. I don’t have enough friends and don’t talk enough in general and I just feel really alone. Why couldn't I have been born being a tall and thin girl with a beautiful face? Instead, I’m a 5’0” girl who has a flat chest and ass. Nothing ever looks good on me, and I wish I was super skinny, but I guess being a healthy weight is more important…If only I were more smart, I wouldn’t have to try twice as hard as everyone to even get results even remotely close to their’s… All the girls in my school go out every week and I go out once every few months. A reoccurring thought in my mind is “I’m happy but…”
I understand that for humans, nothing is never enough, and that we always want more than we have, so maybe that’s it. Maybe that’s why I feel so numb?? I don’t know, though. It’s like whenever I’m happy, it’s always temporary. For example, today I went to the mall with two of my friends and had a great time blowing our debit cards, I was really enjoying everything, but now I’m back and just here, living life tolerably. You know, I wonder how long the beautiful things in world will stay… Will the beautiful leaves we get during autumn always stay as pretty? What about the bright and gorgeous flowers that bloom in spring? Do people always stay feeling glum? Will those who say they are happy remain happy? Of course, everything is just temporary.

我也不知道。我有時(shí)候開心,感覺這個(gè)世界上沒有什么事是能讓我沮喪的，但有時(shí)候又難過(guò)的想死。說(shuō)實(shí)話，我經(jīng)常會(huì)有這樣的感覺。
這有點(diǎn)奇怪，因?yàn)槲矣X得我之所以會(huì)感覺很快樂，是因?yàn)槲以诟嬖V我自己，我想要快樂，所以我現(xiàn)在必須要開心起來(lái)。即使在那些我告訴自己要快樂的日子里，我依然會(huì)感覺內(nèi)心很空虛，即使我是在和朋友們一起吃午飯，我也不想跟他們說(shuō)話，我只想哭或者是沉浸在自己的世界里。為什么我會(huì)被淹沒在如此巨大的悲傷之河中？我感覺我自己快被淹死了。我能感覺我身邊的時(shí)間在不斷的流逝，但是我卻還在原地踏步。即使我在努力的走出去，但是這里沒有任何出路。雖然我一直在不斷的摔倒，但是我還在不斷的爬起來(lái)，因?yàn)槌酥猓疫€能做什么呢？這種感覺就像真正的溺水一樣，讓人窒息，無(wú)法逃避。雖然我很討厭它，但是我被困住了，至少我是這樣感覺的。說(shuō)實(shí)話，唯一能讓我堅(jiān)持下去的就是聽音樂了。
也許我只是不想承認(rèn)自己也在努力的掙扎中，但誰(shuí)知道呢？我現(xiàn)在住在這么好的社區(qū)里，我?guī)缀蹩梢再I到或得到任何我想要的東西。但我還是覺得自己的生命中缺少很多東西。
我現(xiàn)在還只是一個(gè)高一新生，還沒有像我周圍成年人那樣真正的經(jīng)歷艱辛。所以，我不應(yīng)該感到不開心，對(duì)吧？但問(wèn)題是，我并不喜歡我現(xiàn)在的樣子，不管是外表還是智商，我都不喜歡。總的來(lái)說(shuō)，我并沒有足夠多的朋友，也沒有足夠優(yōu)雅的談吐，我覺得自己非常孤獨(dú)。為什么我一出生就不能是一個(gè)又高又瘦、長(zhǎng)得又漂亮的女孩呢？相反，我只是一個(gè)胸和屁股都很平坦的，身高只有5尺的女孩。我穿什么都不好看，我希望自己是超瘦的，但我覺得保持健康的身體更重要,如果我能更聰明一點(diǎn)，我就不用付出比別人多兩倍的努力，才能勉強(qiáng)靠近她們的成績(jī),我們學(xué)校所有的女孩基本上每周都會(huì)出去玩一次，而我卻是每隔幾個(gè)月才可以出去一次。所以，我腦海中經(jīng)常會(huì)出現(xiàn)的一個(gè)想法就是“我很幸福，但是…… ”
我明白人類都是不知足的，我們總是想要更多，所以也許這就是我感覺麻木的原因？但是我不知道，我每次的開心都是短暫的。比如，今天我和我的兩個(gè)朋友去了商場(chǎng)購(gòu)物，我們玩得很開心，我真的很享受一切，但是現(xiàn)在我回來(lái)了，還是過(guò)著這樣的生活。
你知道嗎？我想知道世界上美麗的東西會(huì)停留多久,我們?cè)谇锾斓玫降拿利惖娜~子會(huì)一直美麗嗎？那春天開的那些鮮艷艷麗的花呢？人們總是悶悶不樂嗎？那些說(shuō)自己幸福的人會(huì)永遠(yuǎn)幸福嗎？當(dāng)然，這一切都只是暫時(shí)的。
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I’m gonna share a secret, which I’ve never told anybody before… My father passed away when I was 2, I don’t remember him much, but sometimes I just really, really wish and hope for him to return somehow, or at least for my mother to remarry. I feel so out of place because I don’t have any friends that has lost a parent before. And to be honest, even if I did have a friend I could relate to, I would most likely never tell them. I just don’t want people to feel bad for me. Sometimes, I really have a hard time getting over the things my family says to me. My mom has said some things I could never forget because it mentally hurt like a fucking bullet. My sister has this “ironic rude” sort of humor and I really do hate it. She makes me feel so freaking self-conscious to the point where I used to cry about my how I looked. My grandma always talks about this genetic disorder I got from my dad, and how i’m gonna die from it like him, how my mom should’ve married someone else…She talks about it almost every week. When that happens, I just go to my room and stare at my wall as memories and thoughts of him flood into my head… Haha nobody told me losing someone you barely remember still hurts your heart so bad. The pain cut deeper than I expected. I think it’s still cutting as of today. Any mention of fathers gets me feeling so terrible because I know I don’t have one. If only it was myself who got cancer, maybe things could’ve ended differently…Even in one singular day, there are thousands of times where I have repeatedly missed and thought of you…Dad. Please just hug me. I promise I won’t let go of you…
Everyday, I live only because I have to. I don’t wanna kill myself, but I don’t wanna live. The sadness in me sort of reminds of how we have day and night in some weird way. I cry so easily and am too sensitive but I guess that can be a good thing sometimes. I’n happy and unhappy right now.
this was sort of a rant… so thank you for reading if you did.

我想和大家分享一個(gè)我從未告訴過(guò)別人的秘密，我的父親在我兩歲的時(shí)候就去世了，我對(duì)他的記憶不太清楚，但有時(shí)我真的真的很希望他能回來(lái)，或者我的母親能再婚也行。我覺得說(shuō)這些事讓我感覺很不自在，因?yàn)槲覜]有朋友且失去了父親。說(shuō)實(shí)話，即使我真的有一個(gè)可以理解的朋友，我也很可能永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)告訴他們。因?yàn)槲也幌胱寗e人同情我。有時(shí)候，我真的很難接受我家里人對(duì)我說(shuō)的話。我媽說(shuō)過(guò)一些讓我永遠(yuǎn)都不會(huì)忘記的話，因?yàn)槟切┰捑拖褡訌椧粯?，深深的傷害了我。我妹妹?jīng)常會(huì)開一些充滿諷刺的粗魯?shù)耐嫘?，但我真的很討厭它。她讓我覺得特別難為情，以至于我以前經(jīng)常因?yàn)樽约旱拈L(zhǎng)相而哭泣。我奶奶總是跟我們說(shuō)我從我爸爸那里得到的遺傳病，說(shuō)我會(huì)像他一樣死于遺傳病，說(shuō)我媽媽應(yīng)該嫁給別人，她幾乎每周都要說(shuō)這個(gè)。當(dāng)這種情況發(fā)生時(shí)，我就會(huì)回到自己的房間，盯著墻壁，對(duì)我父親的思念和回憶就會(huì)涌入我的腦海中，哈哈，沒有人告訴我，失去一個(gè)你幾乎不記得的人仍然讓你心痛得如此厲害。疼痛比我想象的還要厲害。任何提到父親的事情都會(huì)讓我感覺很難過(guò)，因?yàn)槲抑牢以僖矝]有父親了。如果我得了癌癥，也許一切都會(huì)有不同的結(jié)局吧，即使只是一天，我還是會(huì)無(wú)數(shù)次的想念您，爸爸，請(qǐng)您抱抱我。我保證我不會(huì)再讓你離開了。
我每天這么活著只是因?yàn)槲也坏貌贿@么做。我并不想自殺，但是我也不想活了。我內(nèi)心的悲傷讓我明白，我們是以何種奇怪的方式度過(guò)白天和黑夜的。我很容易哭，也很敏感，但我想有時(shí)這可能是一件好事。我現(xiàn)在既開心又不開心。
這也算是一種內(nèi)心的咆哮吧，所以如果你讀了這段文字，那么謝謝你花時(shí)間閱讀。

Anonymous
Happiness has never been my thing. But I should say that I have never been unhappier before..Right now I have started wondering why I even exist.This experience in my life will probably be the most painful experience ever.. Breakups are not so rare nowadays.I know that and trust me I’m not exaggerating when I said that this might be the most unhappy one I’ll ever come across.
I don’t blame him.I never have.And I respect him with the same intensity when he was with me.He’s the most wonderful person I’ve met in my life..the most intelligent, the most innocent,most humble and honest one..It’s rare that a person comes with everything that a woman needs. Above all, he loved me sooo much.. He had no one but me. His father has died when he was very small because of leukemia and his mother after his father’s demise, married his father’s sister’s son. So technically she married a person who goes with the same generation as her own son.. That’s ridiculous and as a child I can’t imagine the condition of my boyfriend when he had to go through all these.

幸福從來(lái)都不關(guān)我的事。但是，我應(yīng)該說(shuō)，我從來(lái)都沒有像現(xiàn)在這么不開心過(guò)，我最近開始思考，我為什么會(huì)存在？這次的經(jīng)歷可能是我一生中最痛苦的經(jīng)歷了。雖然我知道現(xiàn)在分手并不少見，但是相信我，當(dāng)我說(shuō)這可能是我到目前為止遇到的最不開心的事情時(shí)，我真的一點(diǎn)都沒有夸張。
我從來(lái)都沒有怪過(guò)他。當(dāng)他和我在一起的時(shí)候，我給了他同樣的尊重。他是我一生中遇到的最棒的人，他是我遇到的最聰明，最天真，最謙虛，最誠(chéng)實(shí)的人。一個(gè)人能擁有女人所需要的一切品質(zhì)，這是很罕見的。最重要的是，他非常愛我，除了我，他別無(wú)她人。他的父親在他很小的時(shí)候就因?yàn)榘籽∪ナ懒?，他的母親在他父親去世后，嫁給了他父親的妹妹的兒子。所以嚴(yán)格來(lái)說(shuō)，她嫁給了一個(gè)和她兒子同輩的人。這太荒謬了，當(dāng)我還是個(gè)孩子的時(shí)候，我根本就無(wú)法想象我男朋友所經(jīng)歷的這些痛苦。

My bf(I am not able to call him my ex though we have no contact at all) has loved me limitlessly.Bought clothes,accessories for me.He was a true gentleman.Never made me pay for anything when we were dating..Planned everything weeks ahead..When I said I loved kittens, found all the cute kitten videos on you tube and sent me..He was in a way, a father to me.For all the loving and caring he gave me,all he asked for was the trust..he wanted to make sure that he can trust me so that same thing won’t happen to his child.
I loved him more than anything.There was a weakness in me when I met him..I was super lazy.Lazy at everything.I loved him but I was careless at the same time.Because of this reason, different things happened without my knowledge but he misunderstood that I did those intentionally. For ex: we had a late night chat and I slept so late and instantly I was fast asleep. My phone was under my pillow in case he calls me or texts me.I got a call at about 2 am..I thought it was him and answered the phone.couldn’t recognized the voice but I kept on talking assuming it was him.When I told him this the following morning he started yelling at me for answering calls from unknown numbers and not recognizing his voice.

我的男朋友（盡管我們現(xiàn)在根本沒有任何聯(lián)系了，但是我無(wú)法稱呼他為我的前男友）真的非常的愛我。他給我買了很多的衣服和首飾，他是一位真正的紳士。在我們約會(huì)的時(shí)候，他從來(lái)都不讓我付錢，而且他會(huì)提前幾周就計(jì)劃好一切。當(dāng)我說(shuō)我喜歡小貓的時(shí)候，他就會(huì)在油管上找到所有可愛小貓的視頻，然后發(fā)給我，所以在某種程度上，他就像我的父親一樣。他給了我足夠的愛和關(guān)懷，而他所需要的就只是信任而已。他想確保他能信任我，這樣他的孩子就不會(huì)發(fā)生同樣的事情了。
我愛他勝過(guò)一切。但當(dāng)我遇見他的時(shí)候，我有一個(gè)缺點(diǎn)，就是我超級(jí)懶，什么事都很懶。我很愛他，但同時(shí)我又很粗心大意。所以，因?yàn)檫@個(gè)原因，經(jīng)常有一些事情在我不知情的情況下就發(fā)生了，但是他卻認(rèn)為我是故意的。我們經(jīng)常聊得很晚，有一天我很早就睡著了，我就把手機(jī)放在枕頭下面，以防他給我打電話或發(fā)短信。我大概在凌晨2點(diǎn)接到了一個(gè)電話，我以為是他，就接了電話。我認(rèn)不出那個(gè)聲音，但我一直以為是他。第二天早上，當(dāng)我告訴他這件事時(shí)，他就開始沖我大吼大叫，因?yàn)槲医恿四吧?hào)碼的電話，但卻聽不出他的聲音。
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Long story short..That kind of incidents happened and he lost trust in me..He couldn't stay away from me and me neither from him but he suddenly gave up on me..stopped contacting me and now its been more than a year..I can’t get over him.
I learned through my weaknesses.Now I am much stronger,very attentive and precise in whatever I do..Now I am everything he wanted back then..But he would never talk to me ever again.He’s a man of his word and when he says that he’s done,he’s done.
And there comes the most painful part..I have a sister.prettier than me.younger than me.she’s my life.i can die for her..so i made my bf come over to my home to teach physics for my sis.i was not in the country back then but he came every sunday(he’s a electronic wizard and a university student.that was the only day off but he taught my sis free of charge).He never falls for the outer appearance or the materialistic possessions.He loved me and only me.
Since he didnt have any proper relationship with his family,he wanted my mom to be his mom,my dad to be his dad and my sis to be his little sis…I wanted the same thing.I wanted to give him a family.I wanted to console him in every way I can.
But there were conflicts between my sis and him for different reasons..I should say stupid reasons.But for the readers,my sister is the best sister one can have.she supported me in every way and she has starved to provide me with enough money for education.

長(zhǎng)話短說(shuō)，這樣的事情發(fā)生后，他就開始對(duì)我失去了信任，雖然他離不開我，我也離不開他，但是他突然就放棄我了。我們現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)有一年多沒有聯(lián)系了，但是我還是忘不了他。
我從我自己的缺點(diǎn)中學(xué)到了很多。我現(xiàn)在做什么事情都非常的細(xì)心和精確?，F(xiàn)在的我有他當(dāng)時(shí)想要的一切品質(zhì)。但他再也不會(huì)跟我說(shuō)話了，因?yàn)樗莻€(gè)言而有信的人，他說(shuō)我們之間結(jié)束了，我們之間就真的結(jié)束了。
最痛苦的部分來(lái)了，我有一個(gè)妹妹，她比我漂亮，比我年輕，她就是我的生命。我可以為她而死，所以我讓我的男朋友來(lái)我家教我妹妹物理。我那時(shí)不住在鄉(xiāng)下，但是他每個(gè)星期天都來(lái)（他是電子奇才，還是個(gè)大學(xué)生，這是他唯一的休息日，但他還是會(huì)免費(fèi)的教我妹妹）。他從不為外表或物質(zhì)財(cái)富所傾倒。他愛我，而且只愛我一個(gè)人。
因?yàn)樗退募彝]有什么關(guān)系，所以他希望我的媽媽就是他的媽媽，我的爸爸就是他的爸爸，我的妹妹就是他的妹妹，我也有同樣的想法。我想給他一個(gè)家。我想盡我的所能安慰他。
但是我的妹妹和他之間因?yàn)橐恍┰蛴悬c(diǎn)沖突。我應(yīng)該說(shuō)是一些很愚蠢的原因。但是對(duì)于讀者來(lái)說(shuō)，我的妹妹是最好的妹妹。因?yàn)樗诟鱾€(gè)方面都很支持我，她為了給我提供足夠的教育資金而挨餓。

As I said,there were problems between my bf and my sis..he wasn’t happy about this and one day i got a call from my mom saying that my bf has proposed my sister.I laughed.yeah.that was my first reaction.there was no distrust in me about him..i asked him what he did.he told me that he sent her some romantic messages to test how she’ll react stating her that those messages were sent accidentally by his friend so that if she believes him its a good thing but if she doesnt then he said he’s going to breakup with me.Because I valued my family,I will never leave them and if they are not happy with him and doesnt trust him atleast that much then he has no future with me.
This incident happened 1 and half years ago and after 5 months he broke up with me abruptly..And recently I got to know he has sent a friend request to my sister’s roommate..
I dont know what to conclude from all these..i never say he cheated on me..but if he has,then again i can never be angry with him..i just dont feel bad about him.but i cry my eyes out everyday when i remember those sweet days we spent together..and Im so grateful for making me happy the best way a man can make a woman happy..I still love him indifferently and my mom has started searching for men for my marriage but I have no intention of getting married..So, IM NOT HAPPY with my life the way it is…
Sorry if the story is too long but I don’t know how to narrate it any shorter either.. Thank you for taking your time.
P.S: I guess my perspective has changed reasonably over past few months. I went through an amazing mental revolution in a positive way. Now i know my weaknesses, my dreams clearer than ever before. So I think I’m transforming to a much happier person than I thought i would be. :):):)

就像我說(shuō)的，我男朋友和我妹妹之間有問(wèn)題。他對(duì)此很不高興，有一天我接到我媽媽的電話，她說(shuō)我男朋友向我妹妹求婚了。我笑了，是的，這是我的第一反應(yīng)，因?yàn)槲液苄湃嗡?。我?wèn)他是在干什么，他告訴我，他給她發(fā)了一些浪漫的短信，來(lái)測(cè)試她的反應(yīng)，告訴她這些信息是他的朋友不小心發(fā)給她的，如果她相信他，那么這就是一件好事，但是如果她不相信，那么他就要和我分手。因?yàn)槲抑匾曃业募彝?，我永遠(yuǎn)都不會(huì)離開他們，所以如果他們和他在一起不快樂，不信任他，那么我和他之間就沒有未來(lái)。
這件事發(fā)生在一年半前，5個(gè)月后他突然就和我分手了。最近我知道他給我妹妹的室友發(fā)了好友請(qǐng)求。
我不知道從這些情況可以得出什么結(jié)論。我從沒說(shuō)過(guò)他對(duì)我不忠。但如果他有，那么我也不會(huì)生他的氣。我只是不會(huì)再為他感到難過(guò)了。但是每當(dāng)我想起我們?cè)谝黄鸲冗^(guò)的那些甜蜜的日子，我還是會(huì)哭得淚流滿面。我很感激你讓我這么快樂，這是男人讓女人幸福最好的方式了。

Mahima Bhandari,?Social Media Analytics at Apple
so true
During a class at Fresno Pacific University, a speaker asked one of the spouses in the audience:
"Does your husband make you happy?"
At this moment, the husband stood up straighter, showing complete confidence. He knew his wife would say yes, because she had never complained about anything during their marriage.
However, his wife answered the question with a resounding "No." "No, my husband does not make me happy."
The husband was baffled, but his wife continued:
"My husband never made me happy, and he does not make me happy. I am happy."

特別真實(shí)的事
在弗雷斯諾太平洋大學(xué)(Fresno Pacific University)的一堂課上，一位演講者問(wèn)聽眾中的一位配偶：
“你的丈夫讓你感到幸福嗎？”
這時(shí)，這位丈夫站得筆直，表現(xiàn)出完全的自信。他知道他的妻子會(huì)說(shuō)“是”，因?yàn)樗谒麄兊幕橐鲋袕膩?lái)沒有抱怨過(guò)任何事。
然而，他的妻子卻響亮地回答道：“不是。”“不，我的丈夫并不能讓我感覺到幸福?！?br /> 丈夫不明白，但妻子繼續(xù)說(shuō)道：
“我的丈夫從來(lái)沒有讓我幸福過(guò)，他也不需要做什么來(lái)讓我幸福。因?yàn)槲冶旧砭秃苄腋??！?/b>