外網(wǎng)網(wǎng)友無奈發(fā)帖提問“我20歲的兒子不約會，他的朋友不約會，我朋友的孩子也不約會，發(fā)生了什么事？”
My 20 year old son doesn't date. His friends don't date. My friends kids don't date. What is going on?
譯文簡介
當(dāng)我十幾歲和二十歲出頭的時(shí)候，我和朋友的生活都圍繞著結(jié)識女孩。
正文翻譯
When I was in my late teens and early 20s, life for my friends and me revolved around meeting girls. My son and his friends, who are athletic and outgoing, don't seem to put a lot of emphasis on dating. They play a lot of online video games, and have boys outtings. Once in a while one will hook up with a random girl they met on an app. Rarely does one have a girlfriend. This seems to be the norm for my friends' kids too. What is going on?
當(dāng)我十幾歲和二十歲出頭的時(shí)候，我和朋友的生活都圍繞著結(jié)識女孩。我兒子和他的朋友們都是運(yùn)動(dòng)型的，性格外向，但似乎并不太重視約會。他們玩很多在線電子游戲，而且組織男孩聚會。偶爾會有人與通過應(yīng)用認(rèn)識的陌生女孩搭訕。很少有女朋友。這似乎也是我朋友的孩子們的常態(tài)。發(fā)生了什么事？
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I’ve been teaching high school for 2 decades. The number of kids dating is very low compared to 20 years ago. For the first 10 years or so, there would be students canoodling/making out in the hallways. I’m happy to report I don’t have to see that anymore, haha. It’s really unusual to even see high schoolers even holding hands.
It takes a lot of effort to get kids to talk to each other in class. They walk in to the room from the passing period and continue to be on their phones. I can’t even say they are texting (talking to each other), but just mindlessly scrolling. Teaching has become exhausting for so many reasons, but the amount of effort teachers make to draw students out, talk, be present, and ask questions, engage in any meaningful way rivals staging a Broadway production. It doesn’t surprise me that kids aren’t connecting, let alone dating, because the default setting is to just not talk to anyone.
我已經(jīng)在高中教了20年書。與20年前相比，約會的孩子數(shù)量非常少。在最初的10年左右，會有學(xué)生在走廊里親熱。很高興告訴大家，我再也不用看到這種情況了，哈哈。甚至看到高中生牽手都是很不尋常的。
在課堂上，讓孩子們彼此交流需要很大的努力。他們從上課前的過渡時(shí)間走進(jìn)教室，繼續(xù)玩手機(jī)。我甚至不能說他們在發(fā)短信（互相交流），而只是毫無目的地滑動(dòng)屏幕。由于許多原因，教學(xué)已經(jīng)變得令人筋疲力盡，但老師們?yōu)橐龑?dǎo)學(xué)生交流、談話、保持關(guān)注并提出問題付出的努力，以任何有意義的方式參與，堪比策劃一場百老匯演出。我不覺得奇怪孩子們沒有交往，更不用說約會了，因?yàn)槟J(rèn)設(shè)置就是不與任何人交談。
Fuck that’s depressing. I’ve been looking into ditching my smart phone. Get a dumb phone at least with text and navigation. Get an mp3 player & flashlight and I’m ready to raw dog life again baby.
該死，這真是令人沮喪。我一直在考慮擺脫我的智能手機(jī)。至少換一個(gè)只有發(fā)短信和導(dǎo)航功能的簡易手機(jī)。再買一個(gè)MP3播放器和手電筒，我就可以重新享受生活了。
According to my middle schooler, the dating scene there is quite lively. So much drama about who likes who and who is breaking up.
根據(jù)我的中學(xué)學(xué)生所說的，他們那里的約會場面相當(dāng)熱鬧。 關(guān)于誰喜歡誰、誰分手的戲劇性事件太多了。
Teaching post grad lecturer here. I observe the same with people in their 25+. Of a class of 20 perhaps two actually participate. The rest expects wisdom to befall them, sitting there and starring at the screen. Also not open for interactive teaching or group work. Some of them actually complain that they don't like having assingments bc they don't have the time. It is now expected of the school/uni to provide all material in prestine quality, including a nicely written scxt, at best in simplified language and "sound bites" of 1-2 minutes max. Not a good development.
Re. Group work: I tried with individual assignments. Results: perhaps 4 out of 20 actually work on it. The other just browse the internet and when prompted say things like "I'll do it later" and "It seems too much work for now". With group work at least I get some discussion going.
我是一名研究生講師。我觀察到25歲以上的人也有相同的情況。在一個(gè)班級中，也許只有兩個(gè)人真正參與。其余的人則期望智慧降臨，坐在那里盯著屏幕。他們也不愿意進(jìn)行互動(dòng)教學(xué)或小組作業(yè)。其中一些人實(shí)際上抱怨說他們不喜歡被分配任務(wù)，因?yàn)樗麄儧]有時(shí)間。現(xiàn)在，學(xué)校/大學(xué)被期望以最佳的簡化語言提供所有材料，包括精心撰寫的腳本和最多1-2分鐘的“片段”。這不是一個(gè)好的發(fā)展。
關(guān)于小組作業(yè)：我嘗試過個(gè)人作業(yè)。結(jié)果是：也許20人中只有4個(gè)人真正去完成。其他人只是瀏覽互聯(lián)網(wǎng)，當(dāng)被提醒時(shí)說一些像“我過會再做”和“現(xiàn)在看起來太多工作了”的話。至少通過小組工作，我能進(jìn)行一些討論。
I’m old and went to school before smartphones, but please believe me when I tell you most everyone hates group work.
我年紀(jì)很大，在智能手機(jī)出現(xiàn)之前上學(xué)，但請相信我告訴你的，幾乎每個(gè)人都討厭小組工作。
Group work teaches us one of two things:
people are pushovers and I can skate by on the backs of my peers.
Everyone is useless and I can get this done quicker on my own
小組作業(yè)會教會我們兩件事之一：
人們是好說話的，我可以靠同伴輕松度過。
每個(gè)人都是沒用的，我自己一個(gè)人能更快完成。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://mintwatchbillionaireclub.com 轉(zhuǎn)載請注明出處
Seriously, if theres one thing ive learned in life its that i cant expect to count on anyone to help me.
說真的，如果我在生活中學(xué)到了什么，那就是我不能指望任何人來幫助我。
Can’t speak for your son, but personally, I just have no game whatsoever.
不能代表你兒子說話，但就我個(gè)人而言，我實(shí)在是毫無社交技巧（俚語）。
the young and the rizzless
年輕且缺乏魅力
It’s actually gotten to the point where my family asks “When are you gonna bring a girlfriend… or boyfriend home?”
事實(shí)上，情況已經(jīng)到了這個(gè)地步，以至于我的家人問：“你什么時(shí)候會帶個(gè)女朋友...或者男朋友回家？”
I was in my early 30s and my folks pulled me aside, threw up their hands and down in exhausted frustration and dad just stammered, "You need... you need a companion."
When singleness causes an intervention.
我那時(shí)剛過30歲，我的父母把我拉到一邊，雙手一攤，疲憊地嘆了口氣，爸爸結(jié)結(jié)巴巴地說，“你需要…你需要一個(gè)伴侶。”
當(dāng)單身引發(fā)了一場干預(yù)。
My parents recently told me I needed to lower my standards or I'd never meet anyone.... I'd hardly call "must have a sense of humour, and must NOT be a d*ckhead" overly high standards!
我父母最近告訴我，我需要降低標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，否則我永遠(yuǎn)也遇不到任何人...我?guī)缀醪徽J(rèn)為“必須有幽默感，而且不能是個(gè)混蛋”是過高的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)！
My mom just occasionally threw jokes at me that I'm gay since I've never had a girlfriend. Even my dad points out that the reason why I haven't had a girlfriend is probably because of how my mom treats my dad. I don't want a relationship like they have.
我媽媽偶爾拿我從來沒交女朋友開玩笑說我是同性戀。甚至我爸爸也指出，我沒有女朋友的原因可能是因?yàn)槲覌寢寣Υ野职值姆绞?。我不想要像他們一樣的關(guān)系。
think ur dad is on to something.
我想你爸爸說到點(diǎn)子上了。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://mintwatchbillionaireclub.com 轉(zhuǎn)載請注明出處
Part of it has to be that guys are simply around women a lot less these days outside of school hours. People are far less likely to leave their homes.
部分原因是，現(xiàn)在男生在課余時(shí)間很少和女生在一起。人們離開家的可能性要小得多。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://mintwatchbillionaireclub.com 轉(zhuǎn)載請注明出處
When school ends, the only places you tend to go are work and home. Literally everywhere else costs money to be, and with prices the way they are, who can afford to sit in a bar and pay more for one glass than a whole bottle would cost at the liquor store.
People be working their asses off just to exist, there's no time for anything else, and even when there is, there's nowhere to do it, and with nowhere to exist that's not work or home, there's no time or place to get to know people anymore.
放學(xué)后，你唯一去的地方就是工作地點(diǎn)和家。實(shí)際上，其他地方都要花錢，而且隨著物價(jià)的上漲，誰能負(fù)擔(dān)得起坐在酒吧里，為一杯酒支付的錢比在酒類商店購買一整瓶還要多呢。
人們?yōu)榱松娑疵ぷ?，沒有時(shí)間做其他事情，即使有時(shí)間，也沒有地方可以去。而且并不存在不是工作地點(diǎn)或家的地點(diǎn)，就沒有時(shí)間或地方再去認(rèn)識人了。
Also, it's pretty common for people in their 20s still live with their parents these days - which puts a pretty major damper on things.
I grew up when life was affordable and had my own apartment at 17, and bought my first house at 19. Having that kind of independence changes the whole dynamic of dating, sex, etc.
Nobody is having naked hot tub parties at their mom's house.
此外，現(xiàn)在20多歲的人仍然和父母住在一起，這很常見，這對事情造成了很大的影響。
我在生活負(fù)擔(dān)得起的時(shí)候長大，17歲就有了自己的公寓，19歲買了第一套房子。擁有這種獨(dú)立性會改變約會、性等的整個(gè)動(dòng)態(tài)。
沒有人會在媽媽家舉辦裸體熱水浴缸派對。
I think a big part of that is because there's nowhere left to go that doesn't cost money. Young men and women used to meet a lot at community centers or just walking around, or even at like bowling alleys/arcades. Though with the latter, those still did cost money, but now are kind of out of fashion. Plus, gaming systems are very accessible to buy and have at home now.
Also I think newer generations of boys (myself included, I'm 27, so a bit older) are being socialized to approach women in public less, even in places where it's socially acceptable, or they're scared to because of potentially being accused of harassment. Some of this is not necessarily bad, but if it gets to the point where it dissuades people from trying to form relationships altogether, that's a problem.
The end result could be somewhere like Japan. Even though they have different cultural factors at play, the government is trying to get people to have more babies because of their aging population. There's not just economic concerns, but social ones as well. I think Japan will try to use technology to solve this problem, I don't know if it will be enough. Anyway, food for thought.
我認(rèn)為其中一個(gè)很大的原因是因?yàn)樵僖舱也坏讲换ㄥX的地方了。年輕男女過去常常在社區(qū)中心、四處溜達(dá)，甚至在保齡球館/游戲廳相遇。盡管后者仍然需要花錢，但現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)有些過時(shí)了。而且，現(xiàn)在購買并在家里擁有游戲系統(tǒng)非常容易。
我還認(rèn)為，新一代的男孩（包括我自己，我27歲，算有點(diǎn)年頭了）在公共場合與女性交往的社會化程度降低了，即使在社會上是可以接受的地方，或者他們因?yàn)榭赡鼙恢缚仳}擾而感到害怕。其中一些不一定是壞事，但如果它達(dá)到了阻止人們嘗試建立關(guān)系的程度，那就是個(gè)問題。
最終結(jié)果可能會類似于日本。盡管他們有不同的文化因素，但政府正試圖讓人們生更多的孩子，因?yàn)樗麄兊娜丝诶淆g化。不僅是經(jīng)濟(jì)上的問題，還有社會上的問題。我認(rèn)為日本將嘗試使用技術(shù)來解決這個(gè)問題，不知道是否足夠?？傊?，值得思考。
Before the most recent presidential election I was in a line at a bar to get a beer. The tv on the wall was showing yet another political ad. I remarked to the girl in line next to that I would be glad when the election was over so we wouldn’t have to see political ads. She aggressively responded, “l(fā)eave me alone.” I didn’t intend in any way to be hitting on her or anything, I thought we were all having a communal moment in line, but her response made me feel horrible. I have a tremendous fear of being a creep of creepy and I felt like I had done that. I apologized but she didn’t respond. After she got her beer the woman behind me said, “she must be having a rough day,” but it didn’t make me feel better. I still cringe when I think about it even though I know logically my intent wasn’t creepy. I’ve been in a relationship for over a decade thankfully. I guess I see why people use apps. Approaching people in public seems risky these days. However, I do break the #1 rule of dating: I’m not very attractive.
在最近一次總統(tǒng)選舉之前，我在一家酒吧排隊(duì)買啤酒。墻上的電視上正在播放一則政治廣告。我對旁邊排隊(duì)的女孩說，選舉結(jié)束后我會很高興，這樣我們就不用看政治廣告了。她咄咄逼人地回應(yīng)道：“別煩我?！蔽覠o意以任何方式搭訕?biāo)蛴腥魏我鈭D，我以為我們都在排隊(duì)享受公共時(shí)刻，但她的反應(yīng)讓我感到可怕。我非常害怕成為一個(gè)令人惡心的人，我覺得我已經(jīng)做到了。我道歉了，但她沒有回應(yīng)。她喝完啤酒后，我身后的女人說：“她今天一定很難過?！钡@并沒有讓我感覺好些。當(dāng)我想到這件事時(shí)，我仍然感到畏縮，盡管從邏輯上我知道我的意圖并不令人惡心。謝天謝地，我戀愛十多年了。我想我明白人們?yōu)槭裁词褂脩?yīng)用程序了。如今，在公共場合接近他人似乎很危險(xiǎn)。然而，我確實(shí)打破了約會的第一條規(guī)則：我不是很有吸引力。
This is just my theory, but it seems to me that the internet has provided so much access to a diverse range of content and interests that common ground is harder to find.
When I was younger, we all watched the same tv shows and played the same games. Now there are tens of thousands of content creators, shows, games, and subcultures available to us that even if you meet someone who likes the same things as you in general, the chances of you sharing much common ground are slim.
I remember a time when playing games was something you could bond over, and the chances of overlap in games you'd played was high. Nowadays even if you both game, the chances are that one of you plays 5 different first person shooters while the other only plays farming sims. Maybe you both watch anime? Back in the 90s/2000s this basically meant watching Dragon Ball Z and Avatar TLA, or maybe Naruto. But now there's a good chance one of you only watches Shonen anime discussed by a particular YouTube channel, while the other exclusively watches anime from a particular studio. This of course applies to any number of things, from superficial interests like fashion, down to core philosophical beliefs. High schoolers are even discriminating against each other for having an Android phone instead of an iPhone and vice versa, or so I'm told.
The curse we're currently suffering from is one of overabundance and ease of access, which creates so much room for differences of opinion that it's harder to find common ground outside of those you developed your interests with in the first place.
這只是我的理論，但在我看來，互聯(lián)網(wǎng)為我們提供了如此多元的內(nèi)容和興趣訪問，以至于共同點(diǎn)變得更難找到。
在我年輕的時(shí)候，我們都看同樣的電視節(jié)目，玩同樣的游戲?，F(xiàn)在有成千上萬的內(nèi)容創(chuàng)作者、節(jié)目、游戲和亞文化可供選擇，即使你遇到一個(gè)總體上喜歡相同事物的人，你們之間有很多共同點(diǎn)的機(jī)會也很小。
我記得以前玩游戲是一種你們可以因此建立聯(lián)系的方式，你們玩過的游戲有很高的重疊幾率。如今，即使你們都是游戲玩家，有可能其中一個(gè)人玩5種不同的第一人稱射擊游戲，而另一個(gè)人只玩農(nóng)場模擬游戲。也許你們兩個(gè)都喜歡看動(dòng)漫？在90年代和2000年代，這基本上意味著看《龍珠Z》和《降世神通》或者《火影忍者》。但現(xiàn)在很有可能其中一個(gè)人只看某個(gè)YouTube頻道討論的少年動(dòng)漫，而另一個(gè)人專門看某個(gè)動(dòng)畫制片廠的動(dòng)漫。當(dāng)然，這適用于任何數(shù)量的事物，從表面興趣如時(shí)尚，到核心哲學(xué)信仰。甚至高中生們因?yàn)槭褂肁ndroid手機(jī)而歧視使用iPhone的同學(xué)，反之亦然，或者這是我聽說的。
我們目前遭受的詛咒是過度豐富和獲取的便利性，這創(chuàng)造了許多意見差異的空間，以至于在那些最初培養(yǎng)興趣的人之外更難找到共同點(diǎn)。
This is a good observation. The "Balkanization" of cultural touch-stones.
這是一個(gè)很好的觀察。文化試金石（反映文化氣質(zhì)的事物）的“巴爾干化（地緣政治術(shù)語，一個(gè)較大的國家或地區(qū)分裂成較小的國家或地區(qū)的過程，這些國家或地區(qū)關(guān)系緊張甚至處于敵對狀態(tài)）”。
Excellent observation. This is the first time I've seen this theory.
However when I was in high school back in the 80s, we didn't start dating a girl because we played the same video games or watched the same movies. We started dating a girl because of simple things like being in the same class at school, having a mutual friend, being in band together, or our parents were friends. That's literally all it took. Most of the time the kids that dated each other had very little in common, entertainment-wise. We dated each other just because of opportunity and then formed common bonds after we met.
I don't recall ever dating any girl that I had something real in common with, other than something trivial like being coincidentally placed in adjacent desks by the Spanish teacher.
Every girl I dated was interested in very different games, video games, outings, movies, music, sports, books, magazines, and even religion than me. When we dated we introduced each other to new things and bonded over new interests. My marriage came out of a girl I met in college just by chance, who had an entirely different background, religion, music, age group, family history, culture, friends, major, even state. We had very little in common, other than attending the same school.
出色的觀察。這是我第一次看到這個(gè)理論。
然而，當(dāng)我在80年代上高中時(shí)，我們并不是因?yàn)橥嫦嗤囊曨l游戲或看相同的電影而開始和女孩約會的。我們開始約會是因?yàn)橐恍┖唵蔚氖虑?，比如在學(xué)校上同一節(jié)課，有共同的朋友，一起參加管樂隊(duì)，或者我們的父母是朋友。那就是全部。大多數(shù)時(shí)候，約會的孩子在娛樂方面幾乎沒有什么共同之處。我們之間只是因?yàn)闄C(jī)會而約會，然后在相識后形成了共同的紐帶。
我記不得曾經(jīng)和有真正共同之處的女孩約會過，除了像碰巧被西班牙語老師安排在相鄰的桌子旁那樣微不足道的事情。
我和每一個(gè)我約會過的女孩在游戲、視頻游戲、外出、電影、音樂、體育、書籍、雜志，甚至宗教方面都有非常不同的興趣。當(dāng)我們在一起時(shí)，我們會向?qū)Ψ浇榻B新事物，并在新的興趣上建立共鳴。我的婚姻是和我在大學(xué)偶然遇到的一個(gè)女孩發(fā)展而來的，她來自完全不同的背景、宗教、音樂、年齡段、家庭歷史、文化、朋友圈、專業(yè)，甚至州。我們幾乎沒有什么共同之處，除了在同一所學(xué)校就讀。
Every time you leave the house, you're probably spending $50-$100 if you go to another location. Doesn't matter what you're doing, you're gonna pay out the ass. Therefore, it's not really financially responsible to date when you're young.
每次你離開家，如果去另一個(gè)地方，你可能要花費(fèi)50美元到100美元。無論你做什么，你都會付出代價(jià)。因此，當(dāng)你年輕時(shí)，約會實(shí)際上不是經(jīng)濟(jì)上的負(fù)責(zé)任行為。
for real. just filling the car with gas is $30-60 right off the bat
確實(shí)。只是給車加滿油就要30到60美元。
The death of inexpensive third spaces for people to just “hang out”. The increasing online nature of relationships. A Global pandemic exacerbating both.
可供人們“閑逛”的廉價(jià)第三空間的消亡。人際關(guān)系日益網(wǎng)絡(luò)化。全球疫情加劇了這兩種情況。
And yes I strongly agree with this. Where can people just loiter and hang out without having to spend money these days?
是的，我非常同意這一點(diǎn)。如今，人們在哪里閑逛而不必花錢？
Even still. I’m fine with spending 8 bucks to patronize a small shop that I can sit in and talk to people but there’s no community in these shops because you have to get in a car and go on a massive road.
You can’t just walk out of your house and down the street to the local shop and gossip about the dog poop issue in the neighborhood
即便如此。我還是愿意花8美元光顧一個(gè)小商店，我可以在里面坐下和人聊天，但這些商店里沒有社區(qū)，因?yàn)槟愕瞄_車上大馬路。
你不能只是走出家門，沿著街道走到附近的商店，談?wù)撘幌律鐓^(qū)中的狗屎問題。
Dating is expensive.
Having hobbies that aren't Gig work can be expensive.
And anything that takes you out of the house generally requires things that are expensive (car, insurance, gas, eating out while away from home)
And worst of all, a lot of work just doesn't pay enough... especially for the younger generation.
約會是昂貴的。
擁有零工以外的業(yè)余愛好是很昂貴的。
而且任何帶你走出家門的事情通常都需要一些昂貴的東西(汽車、保險(xiǎn)、汽油、在外就餐)。
最糟糕的是，很多工作的報(bào)酬都不夠……尤其是對年輕一代。