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From the outrageous opening ceremony to the organizational screw-ups, the games will surely go down in history for all the wrong reasons

從令人發(fā)指的開幕式，到組織上的失誤，這屆奧運會肯定會因為各種錯誤的原因而載入史冊。

French culture isn’t just about masked balls at Versailles anymore. As the Paris Olympic Games have proven, it’s now also debating whether drag queens’ balls were adequately masked.

法國文化已經(jīng)不僅僅是凡爾賽宮的化裝舞會了。正如巴黎奧運會所證明的那樣，現(xiàn)在人們也在爭論變裝皇后的蛋蛋是否遮嚴了。

Looks like Thomas Jolly, the Games’ Opening Ceremony director, is just now coming to the realization that the entire world doesn’t function like Paris Left Bank intellectuals. He bit off more than he could chew by transmitting a French art house vibe to every country around the globe, some of which – from Morocco and Algeria to China and the US – straight up censored parts of the show that perhaps should have come with a disclaimer in the same way that risqué French films do.

看來奧運會開幕式導(dǎo)演托馬斯·喬利現(xiàn)在才意識到，整個世界并不是像巴黎左岸的知識分子那樣運行的。他把一種法國藝術(shù)電影的氛圍傳遞給了世界上的每個國家，其中一些國家——從摩洛哥和阿爾及利亞到中國和美國——直接審查了節(jié)目的部分內(nèi)容，也許應(yīng)該像法國電影那樣加上一個免責(zé)聲明。

Because it turns out that kids – and even some adults – weren’t quite ready to witness a giant Smurf rolling around in a fruit bowl in front of a bunch of drag queens re-enacting what appeared to be the Last Supper. And the fact that French blasphemy laws were abolished two years after the French Revolution, enshrining a right that became a cornerstone of French free speech, didn’t matter to those who felt offended, which included everyone from religious figures to left-wing France Unbowed leader Jean-Luc Melenchon.

因為事實證明，孩子們——甚至一些成年人——還沒有準備好目睹一個巨大的藍精靈在一群變裝皇后面前在水果盤里打滾，這一幕重現(xiàn)了《最后的晚餐》。以及一個事實：法國的褻瀆法在法國大革命兩年后被廢除，將一項成為法國言論自由基石的權(quán)利奉為圭臬，這對那些感到被冒犯的人來說并不重要，其中包括從宗教人士到法國左翼的不屈領(lǐng)袖讓·呂克·梅朗雄。

France has defended religious satire as free expression, even when cartoons of the Prophet Mohammed led to a terrorist massacre in January 2015 at the Parisian headquarters of the magazine Charlie Hebdo, which published them. So this is just France being France, which wasn’t very well received, including by some of the most progressive-minded French officials.

法國一直為宗教諷刺作品辯護，稱其為言論自由，即便是在2015年1月，先知穆罕默德的漫畫在《查理周報》的巴黎總部引發(fā)恐怖主義屠殺時也是如此。所以法國就是法國，這并不是很受歡迎，包括一些思想最進步的法國官員。

One US-based advertiser – the wireless company C Spire – has already said it was yanking their Olympic advertising. Guess there’s a dice roll with the risk that your product might end up somewhere in the vicinity if a clip or screencap of a bunch of drag queens, or a saucy Papa Smurf, and that wasn’t quite the vibe that you were going for when you signed up for high-level sports sponsorship.

一家美國的廣告客戶——無線公司C Spire——已經(jīng)表示，將撤回他們的奧運廣告。我猜這存在一種風(fēng)險，即你的產(chǎn)品可能出現(xiàn)在一群變裝皇后或者一個澀情的藍精靈爸爸的剪輯或屏幕截圖里，這不是你在簽約高水平體育贊助時所追求的氛圍。

There was also an onslaught of reports of X (former Twitter) social media users being hit with copyright takedown notices for posting some of the controversial scenes from the opening show for debate and discussion. Not surprising that the International Olympic Committee, guardian of the Olympic brand, might not want the images etched into history of these Games, to be dominated by things like closeups of drag queens' crotches for the purpose of debating whether the world actually witnessed some fruit tumbling out of a pair of plum smugglers in a wardrobe malfunction – or whether it was just an everyday pantyhose rip. You know, the kind of thing that could happen to any dude in an average day at the office.

還有大量報道稱，X(前Twitter)社交媒體用戶因為發(fā)布了開幕式上一些有爭議的場景以供辯論和討論，而受到版權(quán)刪除通知的打擊。毫不奇怪，作為奧林匹克品牌的守護者，國際奧委會可能不希望這些形象被載入奧運會的歷史，比如變裝皇后的胯部特寫，從而辯論全世界是否真的目睹了某個穿著亂七八糟衣服的家伙露出了一對鈴鐺，或者這只是日常發(fā)生的連褲襪撕裂。你知道，這種事在辦公室的每一天都可能發(fā)生在任何人身上。

The Games have really showcased that world-famous French rigor.

奧運會確實展示了法國人世界聞名的嚴謹。

Whoever was in charge of the anthems for the men’s basketball games apparently saw that South Sudan was playing and just figured that the national anthem for Sudan would do. It’s like during the opening ceremonies when South Korean athletes were introduced as North Koreans. Same thing, really.

負責(zé)男籃比賽國歌的人顯然看到了南蘇丹的比賽，就認為蘇丹的國歌也可以。就像在開幕式上，韓國運動員被介紹為朝鮮人一樣。其實都一樣。

One of the best things about these Games are the adorable mascots, the Phryges, based on the French Revolutionary hats of the same name. But at this point, can we get these little bright-red cuties to amp up the Gallic shrugging? Because that’s what’s really now become the main vibe of these Games.

本屆奧運會最精彩的地方之一是可愛的吉祥物弗瑞日，它的原型是法國大革命時期的同名帽子。但在這一點上，我們能讓這些鮮紅色的小領(lǐng)帶加上高盧人的聳肩嗎? 因為這才是現(xiàn)在奧運會的主要氛圍。

No air conditioning amid 33C heat in the Olympic village or athletes’ rooms because the French greenwashed their cheapness as “eco-friendly”? Shrug. Competitors complaining about the lack of high protein eggs and meat at the village chow halls because Games organizers figured that elite athletes could just eat like rabbits for the sake of the planet (and of profit margins, no doubt)? Shrug. The world is now discovering the kind of reception that I get at my local gym when they block whatever climate control exists at 26C in the middle of summer. That would be a “you” problem. Shrug. Some countries’ delegations took the initiative of supplying their own air conditioners, just as Team Great Britain ended up bringing over their own chefs so their athletes could be properly fed for high performance.

在33攝氏度的高溫下，奧運村和運動員房間里沒有空調(diào)，因為法國人把他們的小氣粉飾成“環(huán)?！? 聳聳肩。運動員們抱怨村里的伙食廳里缺乏高蛋白的雞蛋和肉類，因為奧運會組織者認為，為了地球(當然還有利潤空間)，精英運動員可以像兔子一樣吃草? 聳聳肩?，F(xiàn)在，全世界都發(fā)現(xiàn)了我在當?shù)亟∩矸坑龅降哪欠N反應(yīng)，當他們在盛夏把溫度控制在26攝氏度時，他們就會關(guān)掉。那就是你的問題了。聳聳肩。一些國家的代表團主動自己帶空調(diào)，就像英國代表團最終帶來了自己的廚師，這樣他們的運動員就可以在高水平的比賽中得到適當?shù)娘嬍场?/b>
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The trains stopped running last week around France due to sabotaged lines. Israel has already blamed that on Iran. The average French person’s mind just went straight to everyday, garden variety French incompetence – the kind that would also would explain all the heavy-handed “security theatre” during the Games.

由于線路遭到破壞，火車上周在法國停運。以色列已經(jīng)將此歸咎于伊朗。普通法國人的腦子里都是家常便飯，普通法國人的無能——這種無能也可以解釋奧運會期間各種嚴厲的“安全表演”。

The government required everyone to apply online for QR Codes if they wanted to even cross the downtown core, which was turned into a maze of 44,000 barricades days before the opening ceremony. And the excuse had to be a good one – like you lived there or had an appointment. And the Interior Ministry had already used the Games as a pretext for loading up on new high-tech surveillance systems, from surveillance drones and anti-drone systems to crowd scanners coupled with Minority Report style artificial intelligence algorithms. If all of it actually worked, then why give people the run-around? If their surveillance-industrial complex pals were going to stuff their pockets under the pretext of Games security, then couldn’t they just spy on us in peace without all the added bureaucratic nonsense?

政府要求所有人在網(wǎng)上申請二維碼，如果他們想穿過市中心，就在開幕式前幾天，市中心變成了一個由4.4萬個路障組成的迷宮。而且借口必須很好——比如你住在那里或者有約會。此外，內(nèi)政部已經(jīng)以奧運會為借口，增加了新的高科技監(jiān)控系統(tǒng)，從無人偵察機和反無人機系統(tǒng)，到人群掃描儀，再加上《少數(shù)派報告》式的人工智能算法。如果所有這些都是有效的，那為什么要逃避呢? 如果他們在監(jiān)視行業(yè)的伙伴們要以奧運會安全為借口來填滿他們的口袋，那么他們就不能直接在和平情況下監(jiān)視我們，而不需要說各種多余的官僚主義廢話?

Speaking of national security, a bunch of hackers leaked the military background of Israeli athletes, a country with mandatory service and currently involved in an active conflict criticized by the UN’s International Court of Justice and accused of apartheid – an offense that the IOC explicitly cites as justification for Games exclusion. Meanwhile Russian athletes who have never even been in the army can’t even compete in their country’s name. So what happens if a Russian wins a gold medal? The IOC created a special flag just for them, which looks like someone’s kid whipped it up in about five minutes on an app. They also made a new anthem with no lyrics for Russian athletes that sounds like the opening soundtrack for a make-believe fantasy movie. Which is really what all this is: one big Hollywood-grade fantasy that one of the top Olympic nations since forever doesn’t even exist now at the Olympics.

說到國家安全，一群黑客泄露了以色列運動員的軍事背景，這個國家實行義務(wù)兵役，目前卷入了一場活躍的沖突，受到聯(lián)合國國際法院的批評，并被指控實行種族隔離——國際奧委會明確援引這一罪行作為拒絕其參加奧運會的理由。與此同時，從未參過軍的俄羅斯運動員甚至不能以自己國家的名義參加比賽。那么，如果俄羅斯人贏得金牌會發(fā)生什么呢? 國際奧委會專門為他們制作了一面特殊的旗幟，看起來就像某個孩子在應(yīng)用程序上花了大約5分鐘就把它做好了。他們還為俄羅斯運動員制作了一首沒有歌詞的新國歌，聽起來就像一部虛構(gòu)的奇幻電影的開場配樂。這一切都是真實的：一個好萊塢級的大幻想，一個一直名列前茅的奧運國家現(xiàn)在甚至不存在于奧運會上。

And remember those €1.4 billion to clean up the Seine River for the triathlon and open water events? The mayor of Paris and French sports minister rolled around in it for about a minute, gushing about how wonderful the water was.

還記得為鐵人三項和開放水域賽事清理塞納河所花的14億歐元嗎? 巴黎市長和法國體育部長在水里打滾了大約一分鐘，滔滔不絕地說這水有多棒。

Well, it turns out that triathlon practice was cancelled on Sunday and Monday. Too much fecal bacteria. Organizers had until Tuesday’s men’s race to figure it all out. Then, on Tuesday, at 4am, they announced that the men’s triathlon would be postponed to Wednesday, right after the scheduled women’s race, with both triathlons “subject to the forthcoming water tests complying with the established World Triathlon thresholds for swimming.”

原來鐵人三項訓(xùn)練在周日和周一取消了。大腸桿菌太多。組織者直到周二的男子比賽才弄清楚這一切。然后，在周二凌晨4點，他們宣布男子鐵人三項賽將推遲到周三，正好在原定的女子比賽之后，兩項鐵人三項賽“都要接受即將進行的水質(zhì)檢測，符合既定的世界鐵人三項賽游泳門檻”。

The backup plan, which they had seven years to come up with? Just to have the running and cycling without the swimming. Which is a whole other sport called a duathlon. Close enough though, right?

他們用了七年時間想出的后備計劃? 只有跑步和騎自行車，沒有游泳。這是另一項叫做兩項全能的運動。很接近了，對吧?

As for the swimming, it turns out that they messed up and didn’t build enough seats into the Olympic pool venue for it to actually host the Olympic swimming, so they were forced to install a temporary swimming pool inside Paris La Défense Arena, where Taylor Swift recently performed. That pool is now the subject of much speculation among members of the sporting press and global swimming community, who are wondering whether the pool’s notable lack of depth or some other aspect of the makeshift construction is responsible for relatively slow swims at this meet. “Zero World Records have been broken at the 2024 Paris Olympics through two nights of competition in the pool. The last time that no World Record was broken after just one day of competition was 1992, but here we are, entering night three with zero,” one of the world’s leading swimming news and discussion outlets, SwimSwam, remarked in asking whether the Paris pool was just “slow”.

至于游泳，事實證明他們搞砸了，沒有在奧運會游泳場館里建設(shè)足夠的座位來真正舉辦奧運會游泳比賽，所以他們被迫在巴黎La dvendense體育館里建了一個臨時游泳池，泰勒·斯威夫特最近在那里表演過?，F(xiàn)在，這個游泳池在體育媒體和全球游泳界引起了很多猜測，他們想知道，是游泳池明顯缺乏深度，還是臨時建造的其他方面造成了本屆奧運會游泳成績相對較慢。“在2024年巴黎奧運會上，通過兩晚的泳池比賽，沒有一項世界紀錄被打破。上一次沒有人在一天的比賽中打破世界紀錄是在1992年，但現(xiàn)在我們以零記錄進入第三夜，”世界領(lǐng)先的游泳新聞和討論媒體之一的SwimSwam在被問及巴黎的游泳池是否就是“慢”時評論道。

That world famous French discipline – really shining right now on the world stage. Thankfully, the athletes – in all their unforced diversity through meritocracy – have taken center stage despite being relegated to background actors in the opening show, having to share boats with other countries like they were Uber carpools. Except the refugees. Organizers gave them their own boat to sail down the Seine, smiling and waving. But with the way these Games are being run, it’s a wonder that it hasn’t just ended up in Britain.

世界聞名的法國足球現(xiàn)在在世界舞臺上大放異彩。值得慶幸的是，盡管在開幕式上被降級為背景演員，不得不像優(yōu)步拼車一樣與其他國家共用船只，但運動員們——通過精英管理，自然而然地呈現(xiàn)出多樣性——已經(jīng)占據(jù)了舞臺的中心。除了難民。組織者給了他們自己的船，讓他們沿著塞納河航行，他們面帶微笑，揮手致意。但從奧運會的運作方式來看，它沒有最終直接在英國舉辦，這是一個奇跡。